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Sungguh penat rasanya hari ini. Semenjak dua menjak ini, saya memang selalu saja rasa letih dan kehilangan sabar. Kadang-kadang saya masih sempat lagi mengawal diri, tapi banyak kali juga terkandas. Entah macam mana lah keadaan puasa saya. Mungkin menjadi semakin kurus, sedang tuan puan diri mungkin menjadi bertambah gemuk. Gemuk? ye, sebab semenjak dua menjak ini saya memang sangat lapar. Kalau dulu, saya boleh saja berbuka dengan 6 biji kurma dan air masak, kemudian terus boleh solat Maghrib. Tapi sekarang, ohhh.. bak kata orang utara, saya dah lapaq tegedik-gedik cari nasi! Huhuu.. sila jangan ucapkan kata-kata tu pada orang lain tau, boleh menimbulkan salah faham dan mengecilkan hati orang!😉

Anyway, tiba-tiba saya rasa, walau dalam keadaan letih pun, saya perlu menjalankan tanggungjawab saya pada blog ini. Padahal, bukan ramai pengunjung pun. ehehehe..😀

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Selasa lepas, sepupu saya yang baru lepas berkawin itu (sila rujuk entry ini), add saya di facebook. Oh, terkejutnya saya! Macamana dia boleh dapat email saya? Walaupun saya ini orang IT, tapi saya jarang berkongsi aktiviti saya di alam siber ini dengan ahli keluarga atau sanak saudara. Ntahlah, mungkin saya rasa saya perlukan sedikit privasi. Tambahan pula, bila dengan kawan-kawan ini, perangai kita selalu lintang pukang saja. Ehehehe..

Anyway, dia ada publish laman blognya di facebook. Huhuhuu.. bacalah, apa nak harus saya kata, ustaz la katakan.

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Saya sudah lama mendengar mengenai laman blog Saiful Islam. Tapi tak pernah berkesempatan melawat ke laman blog tersebut. Jadi bila saya lihat link blog tersebut di blog cousin saya, terus saya click. Bagus blog itu, saya memang dahagakan ilmu dan santapan jiwa. Sebab itu jiwa saya selalu saja kacau!

Banyak nasihat yang kutip, terutamanya nak mengawal diri dari menjadi marah. Praktisnya ntah berjaya atau tidak, tapi saya akan cuba!

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I had been sepending lots of money buying something for my family lately. It’s not something necessary, but I’m pleased to buy them, just to pleased my family. ‘Jubah’ and ‘tudung’ that I planned to buy for mom still in the butique. Already survey the design but still not finding the ‘one’.

Last 2 days, I bought manik bracelet and kerongsang for mom and sisters, worth for RM80.  Yesterday, I ordered 2 bottle sambal cornflakes. Last week, I ordered chocolate cookies. All these, and others more, are just to bring back home for raya celebration. And I wouldn’t know how much more money I will spend, for my family.

Actually I don’t need to bought all those thing, because I already send the money to my sister at Penang, and she is already taking care of all those ‘Raya’ things. From clothes, to food, including curtain and other stuff, I don’t need to waste more money for raya celebration. But again, I don’t know, it’s like some voice keep telling me if I don’t spend more money to my family, then I’ll be anak derhaka. It’s kind of scary to think that I am like si Tanggang, to forget about all trouble I has been throught with family, and live happily all by myself! The truth is, I’m not really sure all my contribution is enough, comparing what I have now, and the condition of my family. Weird huh?

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I have no mood of making anything. In fact, I have no mood of meeting other people, especially my boss. It’s a negative attitude, I know that! But it’s kind of hard to let it go. Especially today. From 3am in the morning, I woke up sleepily, try to against the will of having ‘food for my soul’. But I fought all the evil thinking. It’s JIHAD, I said to myself! Some more, I will be in a full moon any day this week. So I will be loosing all the fadhilat of Qiamulail in Ramadhan, and I might not have the opportunity to meet Lailatul Qadar (like I ever met before.. ehehhee..).

After having Qiamulaill, I felt so tired that I thought I need to take a rest a while before having sahur. After sahur, and ironing clothes for work, I have another 10 minutes sleep session. And even worst, I was so grumpy this morning, when all thing not working as it suppose to be. Even though I keep thinking that “habis la puasa aku.. sabar sabar..” but still my anger slip away just like that.

When I’m looking for something to heal this decease, I found this entry and I’m honored to find it. What else can I say!

regards,

~Ha~